[drawn to the blackend sky as it turns blue.]

A whole lotta everything!
Written @ 12:55 a.m. on 2005-07-08

So yeah....My week started off bad then ok then got bad again...

My Grandpa and uncle both went into the hospital Saturday night. My grandpa had a blood infection and meninghitis. My uncle fell and ended cutting hus side open so they were both rushed to the hospital Saturday night.Guess where I was sitting till 3am....Yeah at the VA. I couldn't even see him because he was so bad. Hes doing better now and they moved him out of the ICU but my mom and grandma keep saying its to early. The doctors also told us we can still loose him at any moment. But hes doing ok for now.

My uncle Joe on the other had ended up dying at 3am last night...I went to the wake today and the funeral is tomorrow. So now my aunts all crazy and the trip to Darein Lake got cancelled next week. But I dunno....her house is so awkward without him now.

4th of July was amazing.I was with Summer (of course), Josh, my sister, and her best friend Megan. We spent most of the day at the carnival. We walked to Tops and the Dutch Mill. Haha! That was fun! Summer put sugar in my water while I was trying not to get us caught in a lie. 0:). So my Drew who Im going out with by the way...had people over his house so none of us felt like going so we went for an hour and I lied and said that my grandpa took a turn for the worse and I had to go. So we all left and went back to the carnival. Then around 8:30 9ish I ended up getting into a fight with Drew and Jake. I called Drew and told him to Fuck Off and yeah...So he ends up showing up and all hell broke loose. I ended not talking to him for the first 15 minutes and I planned on breaking up with him later that night but we talked and everything worked out. So it was all ok and 4th of July was alotta fun.

So all this week except for Monday its been nothing but hectic at my house. My parents are a complete mess because of my Grandpa and Uncle. Im working on quitting babysitting and starting a new job with my brother at Penoras. To add to that I had the most random mood swing tonight and I didn't want to talk to anybody except Summer but even then I ended up getting pissed off at her. I've got so much shit on my mind right now that I can't deal with all of it. I wanna go out with my friends and still and try and have a life but its not happening because of my family being in chaotic mode. God sometimes life sucks. So yeah I was all depressed and shit so I went and watched Edward Scissorhands because that movie always makes me cry. ( So if my family did end up asking what was bothering me I could just say sad movie.) I dunno....maybe Im pmsing...I had to sign offline because I was afraid I was going to yell at the wrong person! Drew didn't do a thing wrong but for some reason I just couldn't talk to him. I didn't even wanna have anything to do with Josh and Jake. Summer was fine in the beginning but then she got mad at me or something because I asked her to babysit for me tomorrow and I told her I'd be there after the Funeral breakfast which ends at 11:30 and she didn't get why she had to babysit for a random 45 minutes. So I told her that I was in a crappy mood tonight and didn't think I was gonna be by till later in the afternoon because I wanted to go home and rest for a little while. I've been doing nothing but family visits and hospital runs for the past 5 days...Im a little wiped out. I wanted to try and catch up on some missed sleep. So she ended up getting mad at me then because she didn't wanna do it for 45 minutes and I told her I'd skip the breakfast and go straight to work. So she said no don't bother go home and sleep...But I knew she was mad. I dunno.

So yeah I've been sitting here crying....this is to much! List of things on my mind!....

•My uncles dead
•My grandpas dying
•Im in the process of getting a new job
•My boyfriends probably getting pissed
at me thinking Im blowing him off.
•I haven't had any real fun since
Monday
•My mothers got me doing nothing but
cleaning and doing hospital runs with
her
• Im afaird to talk to any of my
friends because Im afraid they'll just
make it worse by saying get over it, it
happens to all of us when all I need is
just one person to talk to!
•I've got family comming in from outta
town to stay with me
•I've gotta make sure that if I can't
make it to babysitting SOMEONE does!
•And I've been living on nothing but
coffee and blueberry bagels for a
week...

I need my normal 15 year old life back!!!! God!!! I can't wait to get outta here with my brother!!! Hes seriously like the only person that I can talk to!...which is scary because my borther is not the nicest/most normal perons to be around! But that trips not till the middle of fucking August though!!! Someone just shoot me now!

this |time| imperfect